Struggles Of Being Single In The Dance Community

Dance Culture

Struggles Of Being Single In The Dance Community

Christina Kim
January 23, 2024
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Raise your hand if you saw our 21 Things All Dancer Couples Have Experienced article and thought to yourself, "I've experienced none of these because my S.O. is invisible, therefore I can experience nothing with him/her."

No hate to all the dancer couples out there experiencing good (and bad) things together, but what about us #foreveralone dancers who say that we don't date dancers because the community is too small and everyone knows everyone but secretly we would love to have a piece dedicated to us, Keone & Mari style? Sure, there are a lot of Pros and Cons of Dating a Dancer, but let's be real: the dance community is thirsty and the struggles are so, so real. Here's a list of a few struggles that we single dancers face in the community. I'm going to need y'all to nod your heads and say, "Yassssss" in accordance.

1. You need to look cute 25/8.

From tech rehearsals to awards to getting food with your team at a place where other teams might choose to eat after the competition, you always feel that you need to look cute. You never know when you could meet your potential bae on another team, and you don't want to look gross, do you? Exactly.

If this means wearing full make up to your 8am tech time, then so be it!

If this means wearing a snap back and trendy joggers that do not give you much room to groove but look super hip, go on and do your thang!

If this means having a cute, "super casual," yet ridiculously on point outfit after the competition, more power to you!

Contrary to popular belief, looking cute all the time is a lot of effort, and the struggle is very real. If you see a girl in curled hair and lashes at the crack of dawn during her tech, show her some love please.

2. You've always gotta ask,

There's no doubt that people in the dance community are friendly; we all want the community to be, well, a community! We like to introduce ourselves to different teams, we like to get to know our runners at competitions, and we like to fanboy/girl over a dope choreographer on Instagram with a double tap.

We musn't mistake friendliness for flirtation. I know, it's a sad thing that being polite might be misconstrued as being flirty, but that's just our generation, and it's better to be safe than sorry.

If you're taken, you don't have to worry if a person that you just met is single or taken; you're taken yourself! However, us single folk have to overanalyze everything as if our lives depended on it.

"He said, 'Good job!' and gave me a high five after we went on. I wonder if he has a girlfriend."

"She just pulled me into the dance circle, but I saw her with a guy earlier. Is that her gay best friend or is that her boyfriend because tbh he could be either/or..."


News flash: going to every dance event wondering if someone is single or taken is actually not very fun -- I know, right?! It would be easier if people could just wear signs around their necks reading "single" or "taken" or "cheater but yolo." Oops, did I say that? Yikes.

3. A couples piece? More like a couple of pieces of my heart shattered onto the floor because I'm so so single.

There's nothing more dreadful than a couples piece -- I hate learning them, I hate wishing I had someone to choreograph one with, and I hate watching them via Youtube and seeing how damn happy/sad/angry/sexy they are with each other like ok I get it you have passion.

I'm not bitter, I swear.

There's nothing comparable to the anxiety a single dancer feels when a choreographer announces that the piece they'll be teaching is a couples piece.

There's nothing WORSE than getting paired with a dancer who already has a SO and won't dance with you fully because he/she feels that it is a moral violation -- YOU didn't even pick him/her, yet YOU feel weird.

There's nothing more upsetting than watching a Keone and Mari video around Valentine's Day. Or Christmas. Or Thanksgiving. Or a Tuesday. Actually, there's no time where a single person can watch a Keone and Mari video and not feel a tinge of mild depression.

Couples pieces are meant to inspire; they're made by dancers who share a love and passion for dance, and we appreciate that. However, if you're teaching a couples piece, can you give us some notice in advance so we can either strategically make a verbal agreement with our gay best friends or accidentally miss practice that day? Thank you.

4. Does skill level matter? No way (absolutely)!

So you've finally bagged yourself a dancer; good for you! You met at a mixer, you've been texting a bit, and it's off season right now so you have plenty of time to hang out! Both of you aren't the type to have concept videos, and you haven't actually gotten to support each other at competitions because it's training season at the moment.

That's when it hits you -- what if he/she's not good at the dancing?

Or worse -- what if he/she is way better than you at the dancing?!

In a perfect world, you'll find someone who is at the same level as you or slightly better than you, to which you see it is motivational and inspiring. However, we can all agree that perfection rarely occurs for us perpetually single dancers, and we can probably bet that our next SO, if a dancer, is going to be 30 times better than us and super humble and hungry, making us secretly insecure about our own dancing abilities -- WHICH WE SHOULD NEVER BE.

5. You can't spell "community" without U n I ;) -- and your ex and your ex's best friend who cheated on your director.

The community prides itself in being something close knit, and sometimes, a little too close. You may have never met a person on that one team, but you sure know his whole sexual history. It's inevitable that people talk, and because everyone seems to know everyone to some degree or another, your business spreads like butter and just when you're on a roll and talking to a new girl, she'll stop hitting you up because she found out that you were the creepy guy hitting on her best friend at that one clubbing event two years ago.

Dating someone in the community should be looked at strategically, and here's why:

If you are looking to find a relationship in the community, you can't frivolously and haphazardly date anything that gives you attention. You'll start to date and post photos and get to know each others' teams and go to mixers with bae and then one day, you'll break up because you realized that you are two different people. That's totally fine! But what happens after you guys break up? A few things can happen:

- Your break up is mutual and you spend time being single and happy and just doing you.

- You're SinGLE & REaDY2 MinGLE~ and you, umm, choose... quantity over quality.

- You start dating in the community and your new boo happens to be your ex's best friend's boyfriend's opposite for a piece in the set.

Everything gets very messy if you don't do it right, but at the same time, it shouldn't stop you from you doing you. My name is not Judy; I am not judging.

There are tons of other struggles in the dance community for single dancers! What are some that you've faced? Comment below to share with us!Related to this article a bit too hard? Maybe you'll meet your dancer bae at the next party or club you attend! Single or taken, you can't deny having experienced these moments of sexual tension with your fellow dancers.